Sex Addiction Rehab Can Help Serial Cheaters
Posted under Community Programs on Friday, November 13th, 2009
Sex addiction can affect anyone, including high-profile men like actor David Duchovny and former ESPN analyst Steve Phillips, who recently entered rehab for sex addiction after being fired from ESPN for having intimate relationships with co-workers on the show.
Rosemary Black of the New York Daily News writes that sex addiction is no different from other addictions: wrecking relationships, destroying families and causing losses, pain and heartbreak.
“When your relationship isn’t going well and you are stressed out, you want to make the bad feelings go away and so some people reach for the fix that helps the feelings go away,” says Leslie Sokol, Ph.D., author of “Think Confident Be Confident.”
“Some people are able to rationalize seeking out sex because they tell themselves, ‘I have been so good in other ways that I should be able to have this.’ Or they may rationalize it by saying that their wife has turned them down or that they feel unattractive,” Sokol continues.
Sex addiction is a distraction from one’s feelings, according to psychologist David Eigen. “A lot of men use sex as a replacement for other emotions and when they are not fulfilled in other areas,” he explains.
Sex addiction has an obsessive-compulsive component to it, says psychotherapist Jonathan Alpert. “There’s a lack of impulsive control here, as the reward far outweighs the risk at the time,” he says. “It’s often the risk that drives the person toward the behavior.”
For some, the risks that a sex addict is willing to take can result in adverse and life-altering changes: a public confession, in-patient treatment, the end of a marriage. Steve Phillips’ wife, Marni Phillips, filed for divorce last month; David Duchovny and his wife, actress Tea Leoni, were separated for some time after he confessed about his sex addiction, though they are now reunited; and British actor and comic Russell Brand wrote a book that detailed his addiction and recovery at a Philadelphia rehab center in 2005.
Treatment can be effective but may only be started because the sex addict gets scared, Alpert says. “For example, he might get a diagnosis of an STD, or a significant other may find out about the sexual escapades,” says Alpert. “Their business and money may be impacted, or a boss or colleague may learn of the activities.”
The most effective treatment, which Alpert says can be done in an office-based setting, should focus on identifying the reasons for the person’s actions and developing new coping strategies.
Sokol feels that nearly everyone has the potential for an addiction, but that some people are much more vulnerable. “For some, the addictive urge crosses over the line to where it starts to compromise relationships and impede a person’s ability to get things done and meet their goals,” she says.
For those who eventually seek treatment for sex addiction, overcoming the feelings of helplessness is an important goal, Sokol says. “A sex addict needs to say to himself that despite all the mistakes he has made, he is a decent person,” she says. “He needs to want to change things, to want to matter again to the people who matter to him.”