Sex Addiction or Just Bad Behavior: Jesse James

Posted under Sex Addiction in the News on Wednesday, March 31st, 2010

This week Sandra Bullock’s husband, Jesse James, reportedly checked himself into rehab for sex addiction treatment. James’ story began just after Bullock won an Academy Award for her performance in The Blind Side, and it appears she was totally blind-sided by James’ affairs.

The first reported affair was revealed by tattoo “model” Michelle McGee. McGee’s shocking appearance made many heads turn. What sort of fool would cheat on such a talented and beautiful actress as Sandra Bullock with a woman like McGee? Remember, however, James was once married to a porn star. It seems James has is drawn to the bad girl or “dirty girl” archetype.

In a public apology on March 19th, James said, "It’s because of my poor judgment that I deserve everything bad that is coming my way.”

Since the initial revelation, a number of other women have come forward to report their affairs. The fact that these women so brazenly reveal their “relationship” with a married man can tell you something of the quality of the character of the women James gravitated toward outside of his marriage. Most women cringe and think, “I’d be too embarrassed to admit it!” Money may be one of the motivators, or a cheap 15 minutes of fame.

Many people reacted to the story that James is going to treatment for sex addiction with, “He’s just a pig. I’m tired of people saying they are sex addicts to get out of their responsibility for being jerks.”

Although this is an understandable response, going to treatment is not escaping responsibility; it is an act of facing your problems. Consider the fact that James is married to a successful, powerful, and beautiful woman. She was raising his children. Why would any rational person jeopardize that relationship? Is it just a case of the bad boy looking for the bad girl? Or does this behavior indicate a deeper problem?

Sex addiction is a compulsive disorder characterized by poor choices; the behavior is impulsive and those with sex addiction ignore the potential consequence because their desire to feed their craving is so powerful. Why would a successful person drink themselves to death? These are not people making rational decisions.

While many men do have affairs and cheat on their wives, there is a dividing line between infidelity and sex addiction. We might smirk and dismiss this as an excuse, but this compulsive obsession with sex with multiple partners can mean a bleak life of failed relationships as the person searches for the high of sex.

Sex addiction is an intimacy disorder. Sex addicts often report constant and intrusive sexual thoughts, and that as the tension builds, it is sex that gives them relief. However, as the addiction progresses, they have to have more sex with more people to get the same effect or high. As their behavior escalates, they reap more negative consequences. Sex addicts ignore the risk of sexually transmitted diseases, loss of truly intimate relationships, and ridicule by others.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychiatric Disorders (IV) describes sex addiction, under the category “Sexual Disorders Not Otherwise Specified,” as “distress about a pattern of repeated sexual relationships involving a succession of lovers who are experienced by the individual only as things to be used.” According to the manual, sex addiction also involves “compulsive searching for multiple partners, compulsive fixation on an unattainable partner, compulsive masturbation, compulsive love relationships and compulsive sexuality in a relationship.”

Because sex is such an essential part of human behavior – and is in fact a basic driving need that ensures survival of the species – it can be harder to tease out the maladapted forms of sexual behavior. However, when the behavior seems irrational – who would trade her for them, destroy a good family life for short-term flings – we may be seeing a compulsive, addictive process.

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