From a psychological standpoint, an attitude of "willingness" is essential to the process of growth. Again, it puts the person in a less ego-centric stance. It also conveys a breaking down of rigid defense mechanisms that may have worked to survive a frightening, unstable childhood but have now outlived their usefulness and, in fact, contribute to the sex addict’s here-and-now problems in living.

Dorothy Hayden, LCSW has been specializing in treating sex addiction and chemical dependency for 15 years. She has training in sex addiction therapy, psychoanalysis, hypnosis and cognitive behavioral therapy. The full text of her writings on sex addiction can be found at www.sextreatment.com.

This Step suggests that another "surrender" be considered. It is the surrender of one’s own willfulness in the decision-making process. When left to their own devises, individuals make decisions based only on their ego-centric motives and ways of seeing the world. Step 3 suggests a less self-driven version of reality which leads one to consider one’s powerlessness over many of the events that occur in one’s life.

Step 3 sparks a renewal of trust in living and a loosening of ego-dominated self-sufficiency. Doing the work of this Step requires an understanding and acceptance of paradoxical thinking.

Prior to recovery, the addict focuses intensely upon control issues. Controlling use of the drug, controlling the amount of damage caused by the using, and controlling emotional distance to minimize vulnerability held exclusive sway over the addict’s consciousness. Step 3 encourages a more passive mode of letting go by surrendering and allowing events to unfold without futile attempts to control outcomes.

The conviction that one can no longer engage in one’s sex addiction becomes an inarguable truth. Denial breaks down as the sex addict increasingly sees that to give way to the impulse to "pick up" has far-reaching and devastating consequences.

There are two facets of this concept in the first Step. The first "surrender," and surely the most significant, is this deep conviction that one is powerless over one’s sex addiction. One surrenders to the reality that they can never act on the impulse to "pick up." "One day at a time" is a truth that becomes an incontrovertible fact as sex addiction recovery progresses.

The second facet is that the sex addict is really surrendering their sense of uniqueness.

By Dorothy Hayden, LCSW
www.sextreatment.com

Treatment for compulsive sexual behavior typically involves psychotherapy, self-help groups, and medication.

Certain psychiatrists hold that sexual compulsion is maintained by mood-dependent motives, and that pharmacological treatment of the underlying mood disorder can diminish the urges and cravings associated with addiction. Interventions that enhance mood/feelings regulation and behavioral inhibition also have positive effects on the ability to control impulses.

The Erotic Haze

That there are chemical changes in the brain when the sex addict enters “the erotic haze” cannot be disputed. Sexual arousal is a stimulated neuro-chemical state, induced by the release of adrenaline, serotonin, dopamine, and endorphins that occurs when the sex addict engages in intense sexual fantasy, ritual, and behaviors.

Sex addicts are high on their own neurochemistry long before actually having sex. In fact, most sex addicts try to stay in the “erotic haze” as long as they can, putting off any actual sexual release. The “erotic haze” is a somewhat euphoric state, not dissimilar to the inner state of an opiate user.

Medications for Sex Addiction

Although not a necessity, certain medications can often help alleviate some clients’ compulsivity, anxiety, and depression. Some medications act on brain chemicals linked to obsessive thoughts and behaviors and reduce the chemical “rewards” these behaviors provide. Which medication is best for you depends on your overall situation and other mental health conditions or addictions you may have.

You may have to try several medications, or a combination of medications, to find what works best for you with the fewest side effects. Medications used to treat compulsive sexual behavior are often used primarily for other conditions, including:

• Antidepressants. The antidepressants most commonly used to treat compulsive sexual behavior are selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), such as Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, and others. SSRIs often have a side effect of a reduction in libido and sexual functioning, which is sometimes useful in decreasing sexual activity.
• Mood stabilizers. These medications are usually used to treat mania, but research suggests that they also reduce uncontrollable sexual urges.
• Naltrexone. This medication is generally used to treat alcoholism and blocks the part of your brain that feels pleasure with certain addictive behaviors.
• Anti-androgens. These medications reduce the biological effects of sex hormones in men. Because they reduce sexual urges, anti-androgens are often used in men whose sexual behavior is dangerous to others, such as pedophilia.
• Luteinizing hormone-releasing hormone (LHRH). This medication may reduce obsessive sexual thoughts by reducing the production of testosterone.
• Anti-anxiety medications. Examples include Klonopin, Ativan, Librium, Valium, and Xanax. These medications are used to reduce serious anxiety and aggression in emergency situations, but are generally avoided, as they may worsen compulsive behavior in the long run.

Dorothy Hayden, LCSW has been specializing in treating sex addiction and chemical dependency for 15 years. She has training in sex addiction therapy, psychoanalysis, hypnosis and cognitive behavioral therapy. The full text of her writings on sex addiction can be found at www.sextreatment.com.

References
Goodman, A. (1998) Sexual Addiction: An Integrated Approach; International Universities Press, Inc.

Weiss, R. (1992) When Too Much Sex is a Problem…Understanding and Treating Sex Addiction. www.clinicalsocialworksociety.org/

Now many people are asking what is Weiner receiving treatment for? Is it a sex addiction, as Tiger Woods’ condition was once called? Or can a person really be addicted to sending lewd pictures over the Internet?

"He could be in rehab for behavioral issues, emotional issues, or sexual issues," said Dr. Anita Gadhis-Smith, a psychotherapist specializing in addiction. She said treatment in a residential facility may include group and individual therapy, and 12-step programs. Out-patient treatment or intense psychotherapy are other options.

Other experts said that narcissism or arrested development may be at the root of Weiner’s behaviors. Dr. Max McDowell, a Jungian psychoanalyst, said that if Weiner suffers from narcissistic personality disorder, "the only treatment that could really have a chance is long-term psychoanalytic therapy."

Some experts are calling the Congressman’s problems a "sex addiction," although this is not a medical diagnosis physicians use.

"He is exhibiting behavior of an addict," said Robert Weiss, founder of the Sexual Recovery Institute in Los Angeles. "The secrecy, the risk raking, the denial. When someone like that is not in a state of arousal, they can have a more intellectual, nuanced view of things. But that gets lost in the euphoria. And he begins not thinking clearly."

Others, like Kimberly Young, believe Weiner may have the very "commonplace" problem of internet addiction, and says that many people live fantasy lives online. Internet addiction is not a term used by physicians. Young is clinical director of the Center for Online Addiction in Bradford, PA.

Weiner himself said at his farewell press conference that he is “seeking professional treatment to focus on becoming a better husband and healthier person.”
 

Sexual addictions and pornography addictions remain a private matter for most people who are enduring them, or are only shared within a spouse or intimate relationship – which further complicates their chances for recovery, says a recent news article about sex addiction in the Kansas State Collegian.

Dennis Detweiler, a Lawrence, Kan., based sex therapist, explains that when one partner is willing to talk about their pornography or sexual addiction, the chances for recovery are much greater. Many times, the spouse who is involved with someone addicted to sex or pornography feels they may be able to change the person’s behavior. They also experience feelings of inadequacy, says Detweiler, and may feel that they cannot live up to the fantasies of their partner.

Additionally, people suffering from sexual addictions are also living with deep fears and anxieties about emotional closeness, which can be another roadblock as couples try to pursue recovery. Many times, says Detweiler, a person with a sexual addiction will not reveal their true feelings or emotions. Sex becomes a place to hide.

A spouse can be a tremendous resource in encouraging someone to get treatment for sexual addiction, says Detweiler, even if the conversation isn’t easy. For Detweiler and other sexual addiction specialists, the problem is addressed as a relationship problem, instead of a problem of one individual – because the root cause is typically related to an inability to form close emotional bonds, which affects both partners.

Support groups for spouses of sexual addicts can be very powerful resources as couples seek treatment, and experts also encourage couples to adopt the idea that sexual addiction can happen to both genders and that many other couples are also working through the condition.

A recent Opposing Views report focused on how to get help for a sexual addiction, sharing three steps to get sex addiction therapy. The first recommendation is for the addicted individual to get involved in a healing, support or therapy type of group. Different from 12 -step groups, these groups will focus more on daily support, sharing a story and healing from past trauma.

The second recommendation is to also get involved with a 12-step group or program. The selected group may be Celebrate Recovery, Sexaholics Anonymous, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous or other variations. The main point is to get involved and be active in completing the different steps with the support of a sponsor.

Third, he or she should turn to a therapist who can help to drill down deep into issues that the two groups listed above help to identify. It is important that the therapist understands the sex addiction; if their chosen field of study is not sex addiction, he or she may be unsure as how to properly manage treatment.

The most important thing for the sex addict is that they do not try and tackle this issue alone. Sex addiction is very powerful and without strong support, it can be very easy to fall back into old habits.

The good news is that treatments for sexual addictions are available and many focus on controlling the addictive behavior and enabling the individual to develop a healthy sexuality. The goal in treating sexual addiction is not to remove sex from the individual’s life, but to teach them how to enjoy a healthy sex life.

This is one area where the treatment of sex addiction differs from the treatment of drug or alcohol addictions. Abstinence is key in the treatment of substance addiction. And, while abstinence may be recommended for a while for the sex addict, the reality is that sex is a healthy part of life and the individual should be able to enjoy it.

To effectively treat sex addiction, the individual should enter a program that includes education about healthy sexuality, individual counseling and /or family therapy. There are also support groups and 12-step programs available to make the journey for the sex addict one they feel they do not have to take alone.

Medication may also be used in situations where obsessive-compulsive disorder contributes to the sexual addiction. Medications may include Anafranil or Prozac, or drugs known to suppress the sexual appetite, such as Depo-Lupron, which is generally used to treat prostate cancer.

The good news is that recovery from sex addiction is possible, once the individual admits to having a problem. Living a healthy sexual existence is an important part of human happiness.

The idea of sex addiction has gained spotlight focus as a result of specific celebrities coming forward and seeking help for their own problems. Janet Hall, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist notes the rise in individuals seeking treatments can be attributed to well-publicized celebrity cases. The question may still remain, however, if such publicity provided an excuse for bad behavior, or assurance that help is available.

Hall shared that the publicity is providing that assurance and hope to those who may believe they have been suffering in silence. Those who recognize there is treatment available and that it can happen to individuals who appear to be “normal” provides a sense of peace.

For those who are still confused about the existence of sex addiction or what it actually means, experts suggest that it can manifest itself in a number of ways. Individuals may seek out multiple sex partners and avoid the intimacy that relationships provide; others may deal with an addiction to pornography; and still others may have a rotating list of preferred and regular sexual partners.

Regardless of the activities the individual will engage in to feed his or her addiction, the reality is that the addiction often consumes their life and makes it difficult to focus on the healthy things that can lead to contentment and peace. With the proper help, sex addicts can get their upper hand on their addiction.
 

Sometimes called a co-dependent or co-addict, the partner of a person involved in sexual addiction can suffer from low self-esteem or depression. Jennifer Schneider, author of “Back From Betrayal: Recovery for Women Involved With Sex Addicted Men,” says that often the partner is focused on pleasing her spouse or mate, and despite the addiction, will continue to try to do so even to the point of obsessing over trying to do everything right.

When the spouse or relationship partner confronts the partner with questions or fears of sexual addiction, he or she may be confronted with denial, accusations of being “crazy,” or other self-esteem harming statements. This cycle can prevent a couple from seeking treatment for sexual addiction for long periods of time.

At times, says Schneider, the partner in a relationship where sexual addiction is involved may believe he or she must instead do things to get love. These things can include changing his or her appearance, engaging in sexual behaviors that they do not desire to, or going to events they find offensive.

Fear is often at the root of many of the partner’s reactions when they learn their spouse or mate has a sexual addiction. Fears can include being unable to keep their partner satisfied, being wrong or dysfunctional, and being unable to keep the children from being harmed by the addicted partner. As a reaction, the partner may try to control the addict’s actions by getting rid of pornography, carefully following or checking his or her behavior or acting out with verbal confrontations.

Sexual addiction or sexually compulsive behavior, say many experts, gets progressively worse over time. The addict, like many who are addicted to drugs or alcohol needs more of the material or behavior – such as pornography or sex with multiple partners – to reach the same feelings of escape or pleasure. Eventually the addict loses their ability to control cravings for the behaviors. Often the actions are not rooted in sexual pleasure, but instead an escape from negative emotions and low self-esteem.

Authors and therapists on the subject of sexual addiction say that the partner in a relationship whose spouse or significant other is addicted will also need help, especially with the self-esteem and emotional issues that the addiction can cause. Many times problems with self-esteem or unhealthy messages about romantic relationships are learned during childhood, and professional counseling can help provide healing.

The person whose partner is involved in sexual addiction will also likely need to discuss feelings of guilt or blame, and learn that the addiction is much like a disease, affecting millions of families nationwide.

Scientific research is beginning to explore a brain basis for sexual addictions and sexually compulsive behaviors. Some experts believe images of pornography can imprint on the brain and start a cycle of dependence like drugs or alcohol. New treatment centers for sexual addictions are opening across the country, and mental health professionals continue to urge people with sexual addictions and their families to seek treatment early to prevent lifelong, devastating consequences.