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An Expert’s Take on Sexual Addiction and Pornography
Posted under Sexual Addiction on Friday, September 11th, 2009
With more people speaking out about their problems with sexual compulsion, awareness is being raised about the disorder of sexual addiction. Joanne Brodie, a sex addition counselor in private practice, says that it is difficult for sex addiction to be taken seriously.
“One of the factors that contributes to this is the way we as a society normalize and endorse excessive sexual behavior, as evidenced by, for example, a female client who has a major sexual addiction and goes to see a therapist, and the therapist says that she needs to get in touch with her sexuality!”
She continues, “A male pornography addict whose addiction has had major consequences on his life and his marriage goes with his wife to see a psychiatrist in Pretoria. The psychiatrist says, “Boys will be boys and she needs to accept it and maybe she should consider watching with him. And it’s not a problem and he doesn’t need to stop.”
“Sexual addiction is not just about going out and having as much sex as one can. It manifests in a number of ways. And it does not necessarily have to involve physical sex—it can involve fantasy only,” she explains. “But it is mostly, in my experience, a largely misunderstood, misdiagnosed, and denied problem.”
“Contrary to being able to enjoy sex as an affirming source of pleasure, the sex addict has learned to depend on sex for comfort from pain so it is his or her primary mood regulator in much the same way that the alcoholic relies on alcohol and the drug addict on drugs,” she writes.
“Contrary to love or intimacy, the illness transforms sex into the primary relationship for which all else may be sacrificed including family, partners, friends, health, and work, not necessarily in that order. As life unravels, danger becomes normalized and the addict cycles between despair, shame, and hopelessness.”
She explains that there are a number of characteristics that can suggest sexual addiction, including exhibiting a number of preferred sexual behaviors (some of which may be illegal, including voyeurism and exhibitionism) and acting them out obsessively; acting out on sexual thoughts or behaviors despite negative consequences such as health problems, financial risks, injury, and damaged relationships; attempting to control or curtail sexual behavior to the point of hardship or self-mutilation; spending a lot of time fantasizing; and experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms that parallel those of opiate addicts.
Brodie also notes that there are several factors that can make one more susceptible to developing sexual addiction, including having been sexually abused as a child, being raised in a dysfunctional family, having a history of emotional and physical abuse, and having any type of addiction in the family.
“In terms of pornography,” she writes, “a lot of people, including the professionals, are saying that pornography is OK. My concern is that I believe that addiction in the form of Internet users affect younger people more and more. Access has never been easier and I understand that there is a heavy demand for bestiality, child pornography, and bondage/sado-masochism sites.”
“We are surrounded by ‘soft porn.’ Porn has become increasingly respectable. Is it OK? Are we sure? What about the deeper effects of pornography? Are we prepared to look deeper? Or have we become so used to instant gratification that we do not and cannot go there?” she asks.
She also notes that recognizing the problem is hard for some people because it involves being in reality as opposed to fantasy and pursuing intimacy instead of avoiding it. “It also involves the nurturing and nourishment of real relationship—the coming alive and being present in your body. For me, that is the gift and that is the healing.”
