Q: If sex addiction is like any other addiction, in terms of neurophysiology, can a recovering sex addict ever have sex again after treatment, or must he or she remain abstinent for life? Martina, West Oberland

A: With sex addiction, the goal is not to abstain from sex. Treatment specialists recommend a temporary period of complete abstinence so that the individual can experience his or her life without looking through the lens of sex on a consistent basis, as so many sex addicts do.

Usually, the directive is 90 days of sexual sobriety. However, many people are unable to do this, and I recommend to them to set some boundaries around some of their sexual behaviors — particularly those that are causing them the most trouble.

After the 90 days, abstinence is usually limited to the particular sexual behavior that caused them problems. In other words, sex is not the problem; rather, it is the addict’s relationship to sex that is the problem. So if looking at certain kinds of pornography causes him or her to become obsessive-compulsive, then recovery would involve staying away from that type of pornography, or pornography as a whole. Or, if having anonymous sex is the addictive behavior, than a person might stop having anonymous sex and date people and get to know them before having sex.

Finding healthy sexual outlets with boundaries is the key, not complete abstinence.

Joe Kort, Ph.D., is a certified sexual addiction therapist and a doctor of sexology who specializes in gay affirmative psychotherapy, sex therapy, and sexual identity.