The development of better coping skills in dealing with the vicissitudes of daily living is the psychological underpinning of Step 10. When thrown off emotional balance by people or new events, the process of taking a quick inventory, admitting to errors in the now and forgiving, or at least tolerating, the imperfections of others is a sign of a stable person who has developed a new way of dealing with reality.

Practice of Step 10 releases one from the need to be right, a truly liberating way of operating in the world.

The quality of interpersonal relationships is a mark of a person’s stability and ability to live comfortably with one’s fellows. Here we again come across the word "willingness," implying a deeper insight into the self as carrying responsibility for repetitive, unsatisfying personal relationships. It is only by letting go of resentment of the real or imagined harms done by others and focusing on what can be changed in oneself that the personality becomes less emotionally vulnerable, less reactive, and more stable.

By Dorothy Hayden, LCSW
www.sextreatment.com

Humility is a word much discussed in 12-Step meetings. The posture of humility allows a person to quell ceaseless self-preoccupation and opens her up to having a sense of awe in the moment-to-moment awareness of life, nature, God, and fellow human beings. Humility also suggests a turning point in personality development from the illusion of self-sufficiency to having an inter-dependent view of relating to others.

Step 7 is the beginning of understanding that character building and remaining close to essential values is more important than chasing the high.

"We never thought of making honesty, tolerance and true love of man and God the daily basis of living. We sought to gain a vision of humility as the avenue to true freedom of the human spirit." (From the book "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions" (Alcoholics Anonymous Worldwide))

Having a humble approach, along with the admission of powerlessness, leads to a softening of childish demands for immediate gratification.

The words "sex addict" and "secrecy" are almost synonymous. The addict carries the weight of the knowledge of what occurs in his "secret" world. If he shared the "secret" with another person, he would, in his mind, be condemned to hell. He believes he’d be despised. A diminishing sense of self-esteem contributes to a sense of isolation and alienation.

With Step 5, the secret is out. The ability to know and accept oneself in the presence of complete disclosure to another recovering addict is very freeing. One can let down one’s defensive armor and have more of a sense of ease with oneself and the world.

The recovering person, in revealing the content of their inventory to another, defuses feelings of guilt and shame. Isolation, fear, and mistrust of others begin to crumble as the interpersonal immersion in a caring community begins.

When one sees the contribution that these "character defects" have made in one’s own misery, the process of projection onto other people and external events for unwanted inner states is reduced. The focus is on the self and not the faults of others. The addict can’t help but accept responsibility for his life, a crucial step on the movement towards maturity.

The presence of the word "moral" needs special consideration. When the Dr. Jeckyll/Mr. Hyde split occurs in a sex addict, the person "dissociates" and, in a manner not dissimilar to multiple personality disorder, becomes two people. The addict has his "normal" life and his "secret" life.

The Dr. Jeckyll side of the personality has one set of values, goals and beliefs, and the Mr. Hyde side has a completely different set. I understand the despair, remorse, and regret that follows an episode of acting out (when Dr. Jeckyll returns) as the realization that one has betrayed one’s own values and moral injunctions.

By Dorothy Hayden, LCSW
www.sextreatment.com

The realization and acceptance of some power (it need not be religious or even spiritual) greater than one’s egoistic pursuits puts in motion the abandonment of a grandiose posture. One no longer expects the world to conform to one’s own needs and wants. Rather, one learns to live "life on life’s terms."

Patrick Carnes, in his groundbreaking book, Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sex Addiction, cites core belief systems shared by sex addicts. They are:

1. I am basically a bad, unworthy person.
2. No one would love me as I am.
3. My needs are never going to be met if I have to rely on others.
4. Sex is my most important need.

While these are the core dysfunctional beliefs, there are many more beliefs that keep the addictive cycle in place, including:

• I am unable to tolerate boredom; sexual acting out is a good way to fill in the time.
• If not distracted by sex, I am filled with an intolerable sense of emptiness.
• Men are more sex-driven than women. As a man, I need to discharge that drive, or I’ll go crazy.
• My sense of self is determined by how many women are attracted to me.
• The vicissitudes of life are either boring or unmanageable. There is no pleasure to be had in day-to-day life except for my "secret" world.
• Sex with my partner is a mechanical, deadening process which lacks spontaneity and excitement.
• If life does not provide excitement and high stimulation, then I’ll be bored and depressed forever.
• When I get an urge or impulse to act out sexually, I must succumb to that urge.
• In order for me to be a real man, I must have sex with as many women as I can. Furthermore, as the man, I am responsible for my partner’s pleasure through intercourse. Failing at intercourse is failing as a man.
• Engaging in cybersex is my only means of getting away from the stress and frustration of living.
• Sexuality is the only trustable means of relating to others.

Dysfunctional beliefs give rise to rationalization, minimalization, and justification. As the disease progresses, the sex addict starts to see the world and his place in it in a distorted way in order to protect his sexual acting out. His whole perspective becomes distorted to the point where he becomes increasingly out of touch with reality.

Sexual addiction is self-perpetuating. It feeds on itself because of ingrained core beliefs as well as each individual’s dysfunctional beliefs about sex. In order to change the addictive cycle, one must change the belief systems that underlie it.

Dorothy Hayden, LCSW has been specializing in treating sex addiction and chemical dependency for 15 years. She has training in sex addiction therapy, psychoanalysis, hypnosis and cognitive behavioral therapy. The full text of her writings on sex addiction can be found at www.sextreatment.com.

Just days after receiving her award for Best Actress, Bullock went into seclusion while rumors of James’ infidelity began surfacing in the media. Bullock has remained out of the public eye in her Hollywood Hills home with James’ three children, for whom she shares joint custody with James. Less than two weeks after reports of James’ mistresses came to light, James made the decision to enter himself into the rehabilitation facility. Since the first report, an alleged seven mistresses have come forward claiming that they each had an affair with James just weeks after his marriage to Bullock in 2005 and while Bullock was away filming her award-winning performance in The Blind Side.

James’ representative made the statement: “Jesse checked himself into a treatment facility to deal with personal issues. He realized that this time was crucial to help himself, help his family, and help save his marriage.” James has been described by friends and sources as “a broken man,” “desperate,” and “still in love with Sandra.” His move to enter the 45-day treatment program after making a public apology to Bullock and his children is an attempt to salvage his marriage and show remorse. James stated in his apology that he had used “poor judgment” and deserved “everything bad that is coming my way.” However, after Bullock reportedly refused to take phone calls from James and news rose that Bullock has no intent to reconcile, James checked himself out of the Sierra Tucson facility after five days of treatment. E! News has reported that James still remains in “a program,” and does not rule out the chance of him returning to Sierra Tucson.

Treatment for sexual addiction is intended to restore the patient’s sense of identity, self-worth, self-esteem, safety, and trust. Sexual therapy can induce emotional revelations concerning the patient’s suppressed feelings, memories, and perspectives involving honesty, trust, truth, fear, and dependency. Most programs assist patients with discovering their own coping mechanisms, developing logical thinking processes, and becoming secure sexually, emotionally, physically, and psychologically. Therapy is implemented in conjunction with 12-step programming and aftercare preparation such as lifestyle adjustments and securing the patient’s home environment. Treatment for sexual compulsivity conditions can also involve treatment for other behavioral disorders such as substance abuse or anger management since the conditions are usually comorbid.

If James is serious about his rehabilitation efforts, he has a strenuous journey ahead of him; he must remain dedicated and open-minded in order to fully complete the recovery program set up for his individual needs. Like James, Tiger Woods entered himself into a treatment facility to help cope with his personal crises and to recover emotionally and psychologically. Woods is continually being held accountable for his extensive acts of infidelity, and he continues to approach his problems with the guidance of his recovery program. Both James’ and Woods’ futures with their wives remain unknown amidst their current rehabilitation efforts, but recognition of their behavioral disorders is the first step towards a lifetime of recovery.
 

RadarOnline.com reported that Woods checked into the Gentle Path program, part of Pine Grove Behavioral Health and Addiction Services. The photos of Woods appear in the new issue of the National Enquirer.

Multiple sources confirmed to RadarOnline.com that Woods is being treated at the clinic, which features a sexual addiction program created by Dr. Patrick Carnes, who has pioneered treatment for sexually compulsive behavior.

The Enquirer broke the world exclusive story of Woods’ five-month affair with Rachel Uchitel. After that report appeared, more than 14 women were linked to Woods.
Now the Enquirer is reporting exclusive details of Tiger’s treatment and has solved the mystery of his location since Thanksgiving. The Enquirer photos, taken from far away, are grainy and it is difficult to see Tiger’s face. He is wearing a hoodie and a baseball cap, making it even more difficult to see details.

Magnification of the photos also shows facial hair that he has sported in the past and adds more detail. An eyewitness confirmed there was no doubt that the man in the photograph is Woods, saying that while he was bundled up, the golfer was recognizable in person.
According to sources, Woods is living without a roommate in one of the cottages at Gentle Path. The Enquirer reports that he checked into the six-week program on December 30.Two local TV stations have reported that Woods is in the facility and a writer for the New York Times has also confirmed the report.