1. Difficulty Dealing With Emotions
Ultimately sex addiction is an intimacy disorder where sex is substituted for human connection. The addicted person has difficulty regulating their feelings and uses sex to feel better. They are often disconnected and closed off, unable to show the necessary openness and vulnerability for intimacy to develop.

2. Changes in Libido
Libido can increase or decrease. The addict may demand sex all the time yet never seem satisfied, and not just early on in a relationship. On the flipside, avoidance of sex and physical contact can also occur, signaling the person is finding sex elsewhere.

3. Excessive Time Online
Viewing online pornography and spending excessive time in chat rooms focused on sexual or romantic intrigue allows the person to check out and disassociate. To review a computer’s online history for pornography sites, press the control and H buttons, or hit the drop-down arrow on the address bar.

4. Mood Swings Before or After Sex
Avoidance or agitated behavior before or after sex can be another sign that the person is disconnected rather than connected to intimate experience.

5. Inability to Socialize Well
Besides isolating themselves, a classic sign of addiction, the person may also socialize in unusual settings or with unusual people. The sex addict displays trouble reading emotions and connecting with others.

Sex Addiction Treatment
Sex addiction treatment is often in-patient and includes individual and group therapy, lectures on the disease and other therapeutic models designed to help sex addicts come to terms with the issues behind their fear of intimacy.

Elizabeth Cohen of CNN writes that Jack Rogers (that’s not his real name) knows a little something about body count because he has one of his own: In the first 20 years of his marriage, he slept with some 50 women. Roger says he views Woods as a sex addict, not just someone looking for a good time.

The 49-year-old Rogers, who works in the high-tech industry in Washington and has two children, says his whole life was geared around how he would have his next orgasm, in the same way a methamphetamine addict is constantly trying to find his next drug hit.

Between women and pornography, he was having three to five orgasms a day, he says. "As soon as I was done with one I was thinking about how I was going to get the next one. Sex was controlling my life, and I was miserable."

Rogers says his addiction began at age 16. "I would have sex for hours and hours at a time, and then go look at pornography," he remembers. "Sex was my all-consuming endpoint."

While some young men might brag about their sexual conquests, Rogers was the opposite. He kept his sex life a secret, seeking out girls who didn’t attend his high school. He says no one suspected.

"I was elected all-school president," he says. "I was well thought of. I earned a full scholarship to the University of Washington. If you’d met me, you’d think, ‘Wow, I want to give that kid a scholarship.’ "

He continued to be obsessed with sex in college. "The day Mount Saint Helens blew up, everyone was talking about it. But I didn’t even know it happened because I was having sex all that day," he remembers.

He was never faithful to a girlfriend, and although he married at age 25, he was never at any point faithful to his wife. "I was having affairs while we were engaged," he says.

His quest for sex started at 4 in the morning, when he would wake up to get in touch with the women he was seeing on the East Coast. The rest of the day was spent mapping out his sexual activities. Some of the women he had sex with were colleagues. Others were prostitutes. Some were women he met by chance.

"I could meet a woman on the elevator and be having sex in her apartment two days later," he says. "I would just get a feeling, from the amount of eye contact or the type of eye contact, that a person would be open to the idea."
He says he usually had two or three affairs going on at one time, but didn’t actually derive pleasure from them. "I wanted to stop and I couldn’t," he says. "I was miserable. It was a horrible way to live."

Jay Parker, a dependency counselor who runs a program for sex addicts in Redmond, Washington, called "No More Secrets," says an intense interest in sex doesn’t mean someone is a sex addict.

"It’s like with alcohol—everyone who gets a DUI isn’t an alcoholic," he says. "There are people who have errors in judgment—they’re not addicts."

According to the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health, an estimated 3 to 5 percent of Americans could fall in the category of having an addiction to sex.

However, it’s important to note that the official handbook of psychiatric diagnoses, The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, doesn’t include a diagnosis for sexual addiction. Some therapists, like Craig Fabrikant, a clinical psychologist at the Hackensack University Medical Center, doubts such a thing even exists.

"I think it’s more of a habit than an addiction," he says. "I would classify it as OCD–more of an obsession or compulsion than an addiction."

But professional arguments aside, Fabrikant agrees that people like Rogers who are miserable or dysfunctional because their sex lives are out of control need professional help–and that the first step is to recognize when they have a problem.

Click here to see checklists devised by the Sexual Recovery Institute and the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health to help you determine whether you have a sexual addiction. If you answer yes to a high number of questions on any checklist, you may have a problem.

Here are some general ways to know you might have crossed the line from healthy sexual interest to sexual addiction or compulsion:

1. You lie
For Parker, the sex addiction counselor, this is the No. 1 way you know you’ve crossed the line: when you make up stories to get sex. "If you lie with women to get them to have sex with you, you’re a predator and an addict," he says.

2. Sex consumes you
If your interest in sex runs your life, you have a problem, says Robert Weiss, a social worker and founder of the Sexual Recovery Institute. He says addicts "are always preoccupied with hitting on someone, or picking someone up, or getting home to look at porn before their spouse comes home."

3. You’re "divorced, dead, fired, or arrested"
If you continue your sexual activities even under threat of being "divorced, dead, fired or arrested," you’re an addict, Parker says. "They ignore the consequences," Weiss adds. "They say, ‘I could really screw up myself here, but I’m going to continue to do it.’"

4. You have an intense interest in pornography
"The pornography piece of this cannot be overstated," Parker says. "Show me a guy who’s having sex with three women in one week, and I promise you he has a relationship with pornography."

5. You want to stop and you can’t
Sexual addiction is defined by a loss of control, Weiss says. "I was totally out of control. I tried to stop and I couldn’t," Rogers says.

Five years ago, when the misery got to be too much, Rogers confessed his addiction to his wife and checked himself into an inpatient treatment program for a month, which included not having orgasms alone or with anyone else. After leaving the treatment center, he continued on outpatient treatment, and has not cheated on his wife again.

In treatment, Rogers was not allowed to engage in any type of sexual activity or look at pornography. He also did what he called "psychodrama," looking at situations from his past that might have led to his addiction, including being sexually abused repeatedly at age 7 by an older boy in his neighborhood. In other sessions, counselors helped him understand the effect he’d had on his wife and children, the women he’d slept with, and their families.

His wife joined him for two days at the program. He read her his "disclosure letter" describing his sexual activities over the past 20 years.

"She knew about the pornography and masturbation, but she didn’t know about the affairs or the prostitutes," he says. "So it was very difficult to her to receive this information, just in terms of the sheer numbers of women."

In the last week of treatment, he and his doctors mapped out what his life would look like back home after recovery. He sees a counselor and goes to a 12-step recovery program. "In my first 365 days after treatment, I went to 523 meetings," he says.

Early on in his recovery he did sometimes look at Internet pornography, but a software program he installed on his computer alerted his wife and sponsor in his support group, and he stopped looking at porn.

Gradually, Rogers says, he learned how to have a healthy sex life with his wife. "That’s what we aim for," Parker says. "We’re not trying to turn someone into a monk. He needs to learn how to have sex like a gentleman."

1. Have you ever thought you needed help for your sexual thinking or behavior?

2. Have you ever thought that you’d be better off if you didn’t keep “giving in”?

3. Have you ever thought that sex or stimuli are controlling you?

4. Have you ever tried to stop or limit doing what you felt was wrong in your sexual behavior?

5. Do you resort to sex to escape, relieve anxiety, or because you can’t cope?

6. Do you feel guilt, remorse, or depression afterward?

7. Has your pursuit of sex become more compulsive?

8. Does your pursuit of sex interfere with relations with your spouse?

9. Do you have to resort to images or memories during sex?

10. Does an irresistible impulse arise when the other party makes the overtures or sex is offered?

11. Do you keep going from one relationship or lover to another?

12. Do you feel the “right relationship” would help you stop lusting, masturbating, or being so promiscuous?

13. Do you have a destructive need (a desperate sexual or emotional need) for someone?

14. Does pursuit of sex make you careless for yourself or the welfare of your family or others?

15. Has your effectiveness or concentration decreased as sex has become more compulsive?

16. Do you lose time from work because of sex?

17. Do you turn to a lower environment when pursuing sex?

18. Do you want to get away from your sex partner as soon as possible after the act?

19. Although your spouse is sexually compatible, do you still masturbate or have sex with others?

20. Have you ever been arrested for a sex-related offense?

When I was approached to create a program about sex addiction I knew that this would be new territory for much of the television audience. I also understood that this disorder had become truly commonplace in this country and the stories of the suffering of the afflicted needed to be told.

Not only that, but it is time that we begin to take account of the lack of health in our interpersonal lives, and how profoundly childhood trauma has come to bear on our relationships and choices.

According to the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health, a “conservative estimate of those who could meet the criteria for sexual addiction and compulsivity is that of about 3–5% of the United States population.” It is unfortunately too easy to make light of this disorder and my hope is by showing the profound pain that underpins the problem this disorder can begin to be taken seriously.

Sex addiction is really no different than any other addictive process. There is a loss of control over the behaviors that do not stop, even when the individual wishes they would. And there are mounting consequences as the result of the behavior, yet it still does not abate. Consequences meaning untoward effects upon important areas of a person’s life—relationships, health, work, or school; financial or legal status. And very frequently the sex addict can identify traumatic experiences in childhood such as physical abuse, emotional abuse, or neglect, and most often sexual abuse. There is evidence that some of the same brain systems involved in chemical addiction are responsible for the distortions of drive that manifest in sexual addiction.

I am frequently asked, “How do you know if you are a sex addict?” Dr. Patrick Carnes was one of first professionals to work with sexually addicted people and he designed the Sex Addiction Screening Test (SAST). The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health offers screening tests for this condition. CLICK HERE to find out more.

These screening tests are not conclusive but they are suggestive and you may want to seek formal evaluation by a professional trained in this area of you are concerned that you meet criteria for this problem. The treatment for sexual addiction can be very arduous. Dr. Carnes believes that it can take generally 3-5 years to completely treat this disorder. It takes a great deal of work, often as you see from the “Sex Rehab” program, requiring looking at material that is quite painful.

If you believe you may be involved with a sex addict you, too, will have to be prepared to do a good deal of work if that relationship is going to survive. We generally tell couples not make any impulsive decisions when sex addiction emerges as a problem.
We often find that when couples commit to one another and if both partners are willing to participate in treatment, the outcome can be surprisingly good. If you are the partner of a sex addict, you must remember that there is a reason you were attracted to this person. And whatever those issues might be they will carry over to your next relationship as well.

The media is replete with stories about sexual transgressions that have many of us shaking our heads. When many of these cases are examined it is often the case that sex addiction is a prominent feature. Here once again it is very easy for the public to decry the transgressions as merely the excesses of wealth and power but the fact is that it is often the behavior of someone who is not well.

Yes, indeed, the behavior may have continued had the individual not been caught. But the same can be said of any addiction. After all, it is usually the family who brings in a drug addict once their addiction comes to light. And when the family fails to successfully intervene it is other consequences that bring the drug addict to treatment. Whether it is the courts because of legal consequences, or the medical system because the addict falls physically ill from their using, there is always something that brings the addiction out of the shadows. The very same is true of sexual addiction.

Finally, I want to point out how courageous the individuals were whom viewers are following on VH1’s “Sex Rehab.” Many of them are doing very well in their recovery and I want to extend my deepest gratitude to them for allowing the viewing public to learn from their experiences. It was a privilege to serve them in the initial phases of their treatment. They serve as in inspiration to us all.

Back to our everyday lives, how can you tell if the guy at the gym that keeps leering at you during your workout is more than just admiring your form? What about a co-worker that constantly boasts about sexual conquests, tells dirty jokes, has pornographic magazines hidden in his or her desk? Are these individuals sexual addicts? What are the signs of sexual addiction?

Rest assured, mild preoccupation with sex doesn’t mean you – or anyone else – is a sex addict. Sexual addiction is an extreme manifestation of thoughts and behavior, actions that are out of the normal range. This, of course, has to be tempered with the fact that the behavior has to be taken in context. What is abnormal sexual behavior for some individuals may be normal for others. An example is having sex numerous times in the course of a day. For a newlywed couple, perhaps this is perfectly normal. For another individual, it may be totally compulsive.

Let’s look at the most common signs someone has a sexual addiction.

• Multiple addictions – Research studies have shown that sex addicts often have more than one addiction. These may include addiction to nicotine, drugs and/or alcohol, compulsive gambling, eating disorder or others.
• Dysfunctional family history – In some studies, a majority of individuals seeking treatment for sexual addiction had a family history of sexual abuse, or where one or both parents were sex addicts themselves, and/or had other addictions.
• Preoccupation with sexual thoughts – The sexual addict cannot stop thinking about sex – every conceivable manner of position, who to have sex with, how to get sex, wanting to get that euphoric feeling the sexual conquest delivers. To the sex addict, everything has a sexual connotation.
• Time and money – The sexual addict spends increasing amounts of time and money seeking gratification through sex.
• Multiple or anonymous sex – Always looking for sex, the sex addict has sex with numerous partners, often anonymously. It isn’t the person they’re after. It’s the conquest, the means to an end. Who the person is doesn’t matter to the sexual addict. The one-night stand is a classic example of anonymous sex.
• Constant masturbation – If a sexual partner isn’t available – or even if one is, before or after – the sex addict constantly seeks self-gratification through masturbation.
• Multiple affairs – Married individuals who are sexual addicts feel compelled to have numerous extra-marital affairs, often having sex with more than one partner concurrently.
• Cruising for sex – Public areas such as rest areas, bathrooms, parks – even school grounds – serve as a source for potential sexual partners.
• Compulsive need for pornographic material – In order to be stimulated, the sexual addict feels a compulsive need for sexually explicit material. This takes the form of pornographic magazines, books and videos.
• Unsafe sex – The sex addict, by virtue of his or her cruising and anonymous sex, often engages in unsafe sex – increasing the risk of contracting AIDS or hepatitis B and C infections.
• Engaging in prostitution – Male and female sex addicts may engage in prostitution – for the excitement, not for the money.
• Drugs for sex – Paying or bartering for sex with drugs is one way of getting what the sexual addict craves most – constant sex partners. The sex addict knows that people who will do anything for a fix won’t be too picky.
• Exhibitionism – Exposing one’s body in public so that others are sure to watch – on the street, in a car, movie theater, outdoor concert, by a school – the sexual addict gets off on the reactions of others.
• Manipulation – The sexual addict will often manipulate others with drugs and/or alcohol or other enticement (money, promotion, blackmail and more) in order to compel them to have sex.
• Obsessively dating through personal ads – What better avenue to find sexual partners than people starving for attention, putting it all out there in a personal ad? The sexual addict often obsessively combs through the personal ads in search of sex partners.
• Cybersex and/or phone sex – The individual who spends hours on pornographic Internet sites or in sex chats online and/or telephone sex manifests clear signs of sexual addiction.
• Voyeurism – Watching others, to the point of obsession, and/or stalking, is another sign that someone has a sexual addiction.
• Financial difficulties – Sooner or later, the cost of all the sexually explicit material, subscriptions to Internet porn sites, paying for prostitutes, etc., causes the sexual addict to get into a financial jam.
• Denial – Sex addicts, like any other addict, denies that he or she has a problem. Those little urges are “completely under control,” they’ll tell you. “I don’t have a problem with sex.” The more compulsive the individual becomes about sex, the more he or she will seek to justify or rationalize the behavior. Denial is common with all addictions.
• Lies – Finding it increasingly hard to cover his or her tracks, the sex addict has no choice but to weave a constant web of lies about the sexual behavior. Where the money has gone, who they’ve been with, why they didn’t come home, why it’s necessary to hire a lawyer, and on and on. Like denial, lying is common to all addictions.
• Difficulty with personal relationships – Finding it difficult to relate to those closest to him or her, the sexual addict gradually drifts away from these relationships, preferring the thrill of the anonymous sex or affairs that don’t require commitment or even much conversation.
• Obsession with sex ruins life – As the sexual addiction progresses, the sex addict’s life falls in total disarray. Problems escalate at home, in relationships with family and friends, the job suffers, financial pressures increase. There may be arrests for lewd conduct or indecent exposure, prostitution or other illegal activity. Shame associated with the sexual addiction made public may even push the sex addict to the point of despair.

No Satisfaction

Looking at the signs of sexual addiction, it’s important to also note that the individual who suffers from the addiction to sex often derives little or no satisfaction from the behavior. It isn’t pleasurable so much as it is a compulsion. That’s what makes it an addiction.

The sex addict feels no emotional bond with the partners. On the contrary, following the multiple occasions of sexual behavior, increasing risk-taking, feeling total loss of control over the behavior, the sexual addict often feels guilt and shame. Despite so many negative consequences – breakup of a marriage or loss of a partner, loss of a job, financial, social, legal, health and emotional problems – the sexual addict continues to engage in the addictive behavior.

Outlook For The Sexual Addict

Without treatment, the sexual addiction will only progress – in frequency, type of behavior, increasing risk. Like other addictions, addiction to sex cannot be cured, but it can be overcome. Unlike addiction to chemical substances or alcohol, however, where total abstinence is the goal, with sexual addiction the goal is to learn more acceptable behavior.
The first step is that the sex addict must admit he or she has a problem, and then seek treatment for it. This treatment may be in the form of residential treatment center or facility that specializes in treating sexual addiction, or, in the case of co-occurring addictions, can treat both simultaneously. It may also be provided at an outpatient center. Psychotherapy, counseling, individual and group therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and family therapy are other ways to get help.

In addition, the sexual addict will be encouraged to join a 12-step organization. There are five fellowships, all part of an Interfellowship Forum that seeks to help individuals recover from sexual addiction.

• Sexaholics Anonymous, 1-800-477-8191.
• Sex Addicts Anonymous, 1-866-424-8777.
• Sex And Love Addicts Anonymous, 1-781-255-8825.
• Sexual Recovery Anonymous, 1-212-340-4650.
• Sexual Compulsives Anonymous, 1-800-977-HEAL.

Another valuable resource, one that is unbiased and unaffiliated with any specific 12-step group or treatment facility is the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health.

There are also numerous books available on the subject of sexual addiction that can provide tremendous insight and help. Check out the many titles available on the website of Patrick Carnes, Ph.D, one of the first professionals in the U.S. to work with individuals to determine if they had a sexual addiction and help them overcome it. The site, SexHelp.com, can help individuals find a certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT), and has many other useful tips, articles, resources and links. It’s a great place to start if you or anyone you know wants to gain a better understanding of sexual addiction. Also check out RecoveryZone.com and GentlePath.com.

Just remember that sexual addiction doesn’t occur overnight. It was likely years in the making, and it will take considerable time to overcome. As you will discover, therapy usually takes between 3 and 5 years, depending on the individual. But it can result in the sex addict’s being able to return to a fully productive and healthy lifestyle – without the compulsion for sex that ruined life before.

Do you see the signs of sexual addiction in yourself or another? Maybe now is the time for change. The sooner you or they confront the issue head-on the sooner recovery will be on the way.